December 15, 2009

Catherine Wagner, My New Job.

First I got really depressed. Like weeping in bed before going to sleep. Thought it was coincidential. My emotions are wired differently lately. Woke up the next morning and realized it was the way "M" or "Martin" or "Martin Corless-Smith" showed up in the poems but couldn't figure out why. Was it bragging?, that was my first thought. Then realized this was way wrong thought.

Loving the phrase: everyone in the room is a representative of the world at large. Also convinced it is not true. Or could only be true when one talked about something other than the self.

Identification: I job like that; I boyfriend like that; I child like that; I exercise like that; I (white) body like that; I sexuality like that.

Does this aesthetic, which feels like an anti-aesthetic that is suddenly all over the place, induce emotions other than identification for me, white girl with job like that, boyfriend like that, child like that?

When the poem is no longer the Poem, what is it?

Tradition: in the notes, "Other poems quote Robert Burngs, John Keats, Stephane Mallarme, Lorine Niedecker, Charles Olson, Philip Sidney, Walt Whitman, and Thomas Wyatt."

Eileen Myles compares to Frankenstein. Driving to my job today, after dropping off child at day care, I kept thinking NY School Confessional + Confessional + Bruce Andrews + straight Kathy Acker and Myles.

In my new/old job, have been thinking a lot about how women talk about men in their work (and the much less prevelent reverse; I teach at an all women's undergraduate college). I have quote from book that I left at home today that I want to stick in here. Will do it later. But keep saying in class, what do we do with confessionalism right now? And then there is no answer. Fantasy of teaching a feminism and poetry class.

"This part is for girls, college highschool girls"

This book "takes place," if it has a place and it mainly does not, two hours from where I grew up. This makes me look at the trees in the author photo a lot. Although who knows if those trees are the trees near where I grew up.

I saw the Yvonne Rainer movie Privilege last week and it super killed me. Its moves are all different.

My tic my friend says is to insist on the systemic. Or that is how I say what he says. But is it a tic?

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